Today I endured the pain.
Today I persevered through the agony.
Today I pushed through the inner dialogue, the doubt and the ridicule.
All screaming in my mind.
I made it through.
For the several hundredth time.
I feel ashamed for being ashamed.
I feel ashamed for not believing in myself when I prove I am enough over and over again.
I know that shame is useless, but there it is.
My old friend.
Not a friend.
But we are well acquainted.
Still, I prove that I can do whatever it takes. I can do hard things. I can do uncomfortable, miserable things.
And I can emerge from the fire.
I am strong and brave.
I know this.
And yet these feelings of inadequacy.
Like my voice doesn’t count.
Like my pain mustn’t be acknowledged.
Like I am not worthy to speak.
I am worthy to speak.
Say it again.
I Am. Worthy.
I am more than I will ever think of myself.
I am boundless. Infinite. Eternal.
I am an ecosystem.
I am a galaxy.
I am a universe.
Within a universe.
Shining along, beautiful like everything else.
Why would I be broken?
Why would I fall short while everything else is flourishing?
Me out of everything?
Old, stubborn programming.
Still persisting despite all the evidence in the world.
But I do still deal with insecurity and doubt.
That is my reality.
It feels so real.
It feels permanent.
But it’s not.
It is just here for now.
And that is okay.
It is okay.
It is part of the process.
So I sit and hope.
I know a better life is out there.
I know a better life is in here.
In my mind.
In my world.
It is an egg.
Just waiting for the right moment.
To birth something precious and true.
That will show me yet again that
I AM WORTHY.
Now repeat. Tomorrow.
And every day after.
Leave a Reply