I am endlessly chasing the carrot on a stick, the ever-receding rainbow, whether it be some arbitrary goal that I’ve set up for myself, or simply trying to be stable, avoiding conflict and the perceived disasters that life can throw at me. I tell myself that if only this thing will happen in my life,... Continue Reading →
I feel tired and groggy and a little nauseous today. I drank a little too much last night. This is my last day of Christmas vacation before starting my next travel nurse contract. It feels gloomy today, like a typical Sunday after a long weekend. It feels a little like being trapped, like I am... Continue Reading →
Today has been a good day. It’s a day I dream about when thinking about improving my mental health. Even though I went to work at a job I ultimately am not passionate about nor want to continue for much longer, my mindset was totally different. I don’t know if it’s the new medication but... Continue Reading →
I feel like this past month has really tried my dignity, my sanity, and my overall strength to endure. It has felt spiraling and hopeless so much of the time, like I am being continuously buried in ash, unable to catch a glimpse of the sun. I just want to see the light. I just... Continue Reading →
Walking alone through a silent, frozen forest only to emerge at the precipice of a frigid gorge with cascading waterfalls and biting winds is all at once unsettling and entrancing to my mind. I arrived to the trailhead of Linville Falls and Gorge just at sunrise. The uncleared snowy field that was the parking lot... Continue Reading →
If we wait around to do something new until we are “ready”, then we will likely never do anything at all. I want to keep reminding myself of this truth. I start a job next week and I have been less than positive about it, even though it is a good opportunity. It’s my reintroduction... Continue Reading →
Recognizing myself as a victim of a traumatic past is an important initial step in processing and understanding my mental health, but I have realized that staying in a mindset of victimhood will only hold me back as I try to move forward and grow into a new life. Over this past summer, I have... Continue Reading →
Unrealistic expectations can be the death of joy as I have come to realize in my time off this summer. Plans will very often not go as expected, and that’s okay. That’s what makes life interesting and dynamic right? I thought that my time off between jobs would be filled with productive bliss as I... Continue Reading →
Well, I quit my job with no other job in line. I gave my notice about a month ago and I am officially unemployed. Quitting my job with no backup plan is a frightening feeling. It feels like the sturdy ground that I have always known is loosening and breaking beneath my feet and I... Continue Reading →
Isn’t it curious how we can look back at old photos through the lens of the present and form a completely new world in our minds from the aesthetics of the past? I was thinking about this the other day. I was sitting in my truck outside of the gym randomly sifting through my old... Continue Reading →
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