I am endlessly chasing the carrot on a stick, the ever-receding rainbow, whether it be some arbitrary goal that I’ve set up for myself, or simply trying to be stable, avoiding conflict and the perceived disasters that life can throw at me. I tell myself that if only this thing will happen in my life,... Continue Reading →
Working Through Shattered Illusions and Finding Your Spark Again
I have this looming sense that I am bound for something greater than what life is providing right now. I feel like I’m sitting in a cold, dark waiting room, waiting for my turn on stage. Am I being pretentious? Is this entitlement? I don’t know, but I feel that there is so much inside... Continue Reading →
I Keep Having The Same Dream About My Late Grandfather: Reflections on Family and the Past.
Some dreams tantalize us with the prospect of their reality before violently shoving us back into the real world, leaving us dazed and bewildered in a sea of disillusionment and reflection. Last night was one such night. I had another one of my recurring dreams where my family discovers that my grandfather is still alive.... Continue Reading →
What’s In A Photo? Considering Memories and Nostalgia.
Isn’t it curious how we can look back at old photos through the lens of the present and form a completely new world in our minds from the aesthetics of the past? I was thinking about this the other day. I was sitting in my truck outside of the gym randomly sifting through my old... Continue Reading →
Choosing to Tell A Better Story About My Life and Circumstances
Spring is finally in the air and there is a sense of a new beginning echoing through the blooms and the colors as I gaze out upon the emerging life of flowers and insects. Nature is waking up again. I feel like there is a fresh start, indeed a revival, upon us singing fruitfully in... Continue Reading →
Feeling Uncomfortably Comfortable: A Reflection on The Comfort Zone
Six months ago, my anxiety was through the roof and I desperately sought therapy for help. It was the first time I tried face to face therapy and it was a plunge out of my comfort zone. Fast forward to this past month and I told my therapist that I think I am no longer... Continue Reading →
A Revitalizing Hint of Spring in February
This winter season has felt particularly cold and brutal to me. I can’t be the only one. I’m not just talking about the temperature, but the actual isolating dynamic of winter. Maybe it’s because I work from home now and in the past few months it has been a struggle when I get off work... Continue Reading →
Last Night Was A Hard Night
Last night was a hard night. I awoke at 2 am to my partner, the love of my life, in absolute agony. I can still hear her cries of pain. She was in the throes of a violent migraine. She has a neurological condition and migraines are a frequent occurrence. This one was particularly bad.... Continue Reading →
Accepting and Adapting to the Seasons of Life
Acceptance initially feels like admitting defeat. Acceptance feels like you are throwing your arms up in the air and shouting “Okay fine, have it your way!”. Acceptance is often misunderstood, as it's not saying you don’t want to change your circumstances. Acceptance is admitting that there are things outside of your control, and to let... Continue Reading →
Learning Radical Acceptance
Acceptance is the silent song I try to play to myself each day. Each day I am getting better at putting the notes together and creating something beautiful in the process. This past week or so, I have felt a little lighter than I normally do. The air doesn’t feel quite as thick and the... Continue Reading →