As I am training my mind to be more present and mindful, I also want to extend that out to affect others. I want to go beyond alleviating stress and anxiety and use my energy to be more compassionate. I want to put other’s first in my life and live community-minded. Most of my life up until this point has been lived very selfishly. My tendency is to be self-absorbed so I am having to work really hard to overcome its habitual gravity. When you have anxiety like I do, you tend to worry about your needs over others often, as your suffering is the most impactfully felt thing in your immediate surrounding and has the tendency to drown out the needs and feelings of others.
I have read that helping others first will help set the stage for a life of fulfilling and satisfying relationships, not just with others but with yourself. As I grow into a more mindful person, I want to pay attention to how I use my energy. I already feel an energetic difference in the past couple of weeks just being present and letting things flow naturally throughout the day as opposed to frantically running about having racing, stressful thoughts about what might go wrong. It’s been quite eye-opening having this mental shift. It’s an ongoing battle though, as it is very easy to slip back into that over-analytical fight or flight mode. It’s eye-opening to know just how much energy it takes to be anxious all of the time. You use it all up fantasizing, investing in what might go wrong. This precious energy we possess, I know it can do more for others, at least speaking for myself. And that’s what I want, a more connected life with others.
I am starting to feel more of this precious energy in my life. Positive, uplifting, transformative energy. I have been thinking about how I want to use this energy now to put other people first, to be a helping hand and use my energy in the service of others. I want to open myself up to emotional vulnerability and I want to fill my life with the color of other’s feelings and considerations. This will be a challenge for me because I have often behaved selfishly in my life, it’s the truth, but today I had an experience in using this positive energy with helping someone.
At work today, I had an opportunity to be either in my own world like I usually am trying to combat my own thoughts, or be present and selfless and step up to the plate and help someone in a bind. I chose the latter (I usually choose the former). As I was helping this person, I felt a deep satisfaction in the core of my being. The work I was doing didn’t feel like work at all, it was almost fun, like I was trying something new and helping improve someone’s day at the same time. It’s like I had shifted my mentality from ego-centric and fearful to present and loving and engaged with the world.
I am still relatively new at my job and so many people are still figuring out how to gauge me. After I had helped this person, their whole demeanor towards me changed. They went from being closed off and cold to enthusiastic and open towards me, talking and engaging with me more. It blew me away, how the energy changed in the room. Here I am having an epiphany as an adult in my early 30s that helping other people feels good. It really sheds light into how self-absorbed I have been in my life. It is unfortunate but I am happy with the progress I am making, however small.
I am starting to realize that the energy you put out into the universe is the energy that returns to you. I have heard it numerous times but to actually experience it firsthand in such a visceral way was motivating for me. Helping someone with a simple task is so enriching. You get to reap the rewards of helping out another person and seeing it improve their day. You get the reward of gaining that person’s trust and the enrichments that come with that. It all comes back to you.
These past few weeks have really made me re-evaluate my choices in life. I have lived far too many days trying to placate my own inner turmoil instead of focusing on others. Now with prioritizing and slowly growing self-respect and self-love, I realize how precious this temporary energy is within me, within each of us. I want to live each day using my energy to the best of my ability to help others and to help myself. I have the power to transform my reality with my thoughts, words, and actions. Each act of kindness and compassion slowly builds a better world for each of us.
We are powerful beings wielding powerful weapons. I can feel this energy flow through me when I take time to get into deep meditation. I can actually feel myself vibrating. My solidity dissolves into something flowing. I feel like a river of energy, constantly converging with the tributaries of energy around me. I felt my energy flow today towards helping someone and I felt the ripples of that flow and how it echoed out into the environment. It was such a wonderful message for me today, to have an idea conveyed to me so seamlessly through action.
I feel like I am finally starting to come out of my shell, understanding the power flowing within, and engaging with the world as a new deity. I still have a long way to go though and there will be set backs and regressions just like any long journey I don’t want to give myself false confidence that deep change has been made because I am still very selfish, it’s just nice to acknowledge a positive change through purposeful action. It’s so easy getting lost in thought and our internal worlds. It can be all-consuming, but we can each take simple steps to get out of our own heads and live as a community starting with simple actions. Even if it’s just one small action a day that was done in the service of someone else, that’s an amazing start. I know that’s the direction I want to head towards because this energetic fabric is strong and resilient when interwoven with love, duty, and charity.