Tomorrow I start my new job, in a new place, and in the middle of downtown Seattle. I am by myself on the opposite corner of the country from my hometown. This place feels notably different from the last few places I have worked. For one, I am right near downtown and I am starting to see what it’s like living in a big city. It feels cramped in a way and the public transit system is a new avenue of transportation for me but I like it. I wanted change and I wanted to experience new places and new ways of life. It still makes me nervous though.
It seems that feeling down and dreary the day before a new job is a routine occurrence. I get nervous about starting a new job. I get nervous about the unknown variables like the work load, the coworkers, the doctors, and the overall mental/emotional demand. I guess it is natural to feel nervous with something like this. I will allow myself to feel this way. I just want to be conscious that my nervousness is not coming from a place of self-doubt, like I am worried about failing or looking stupid. I still am prone to this.
I still haven’t mastered the whole self-love, self-acceptance thing. It is funny because moving here and figuring out how to get about and the challenges of adjusting to a new place have been exciting to me. On one hand, when left to my own free will, I love a good challenge and critically thinking my way through whatever might come up. With my job, however, historically I have been riddled with self-doubt and anxiety over failure or not being good enough. It’s like I mentally shift gears and approach challenges with a completely different mental framework.
Well, this time I am going to step up to the plate! I know I am good enough for anything that is thrown at me. It’s funny how just framing a challenge differently in your mind changes your whole perception and approach to that challenge. I know I am capable of approaching the uncertain and the challenges that come with a confident, careful, enthusiastic mindset. Hell, it can even be fun if you do the mental gymnastics to get there. So, I know it isn’t the challenges that are the problem, it’s how I view them. My work may not always be fun, rewarding, or fulfilling, but it doesn’t have to be miserable.
It’s all about perspective. Just like with my feelings too. Sometimes I feel like I expect to feel happy and content most of the time so when there are days that I feel down, I add onto my misery by feeling bad about feeling bad. I am learning to just feel bad! To just accept it and let it pass over me. There is no need to feel shame or disappoint or any other form of added misery to my situation. Again, it’s all about perspective. And going into the unknown of tomorrow, I will stand tall and proud of who I am at all times. I am worthy, capable, and courageous. I will give myself credit where it is due and allow myself to feel strong and powerful. This isn’t my first rodeo and I have succeeded many times in the past with goals, obstacles, and challenges in my life. I can do this!
Leave a Reply