Sometimes Relationships Need to Die If We Want a Better Life

It’s hard to let go of someone, even when there is nothing left except a toxic ruin of misery for both parties. Whether it’s an estranged relationship with a former romantic partner, a friendship that has turned toxic, or family matters that have grown hostile and bitter, we all have relationships in our lives that have felt strained and forced and seem to only bring about hardship.

Knowing when to work on things and knowing when to truly say goodbye to someone in your life can be confusing but when you search your heart you will know when it’s time to cut ties. Our culture has us believing that cutting someone out of lives is selfish and makes us feel like a failure and that we are giving up, but that is not true. Relationships can become so tangled in a web of pain, ridicule, and defeat that there is simply nothing left. The wounds are still fresh and bleeding and aren’t being allowed to heal because they are constantly being pried at by the other party and the toxicity of a relation. Even though it is unfortunate and sad, sometimes the best answer is the hard one, saying goodbye. This is what I am dealing with today, having to say goodbye to someone because of the clarity. It is clarity that we both need to cut ties completely in order to heal and lead new lives.

Saying goodbye to someone is never easy. Finality seems to scare us more than a perpetual, lingering misery every could. It’s sudden and abrupt and like death, it has us fearful of what comes next. “Will I be able to pick myself back up? How will I find love and happiness again? I will be alone forever.” We fill our heads with doubts and lies about the future to avoid change. We try to keep the peace with the status quo when the status quo is a grenade under our feet. No, the future is not bleak and you will not be alone forever. Maybe for a minute it will be bleak and lonely, but the future is in fact wide open to us and can lead us to anything and everything we desire. Sometimes it just takes the first step, and sometimes that first step is walking away.

 For many people who were in close relationships, it feels like a rearrangement of your entire life. You grow close to someone and you connect on such a deep level that the trajectory of your life is altered. The way you take in the world now seems to be filtered through them and everything you do reminds you of them. You situate into a new paradigm with the energy you have exchanged with one another.

And then…it can all fall apart. People grow distant, people hurt each other, people use each other, people become cold and indifferent, and two people who were so entangled for a moment find themselves on two separate paths now. It happens. It’s never easy but people and their dynamic energies can simply flow away and attempting to mend these energies together again only results in further damage and heartbreak. And that’s when you know…maybe it’s time to say goodbye.

And so that’s what I did. I said goodbye to someone who was truly special to me today. I’ve never connected with anyone more strongly in my life and yet here I am letting go, for both our sakes. Sometimes in life, you have to face the hard truth. There is nothing either one of us can give anymore and we both deserve a better situation. We both deserve a new life to cultivate out of the ashes of the old. Like old trees dying and decaying, only to give life and nourishment to a new generation of trees, I want both of our lives going forward to be the pale, green things emerging from the forest floor, eager and longing for the light. There are new opportunities ready to sprout up and grow in the freshness of the morning air from the decay of an old life.

To the person I am leaving behind, thank you. We shared some wonderful memories and we both grew tremendously by and through each other. My life and your life are forever altered, and I hope eventually once all of the dust clears and we gain footing again in a new paradigm, it will ultimately be for the better. Unfortunately, both sets of our personal issues/mental health issues caught up with us and ultimately deteriorated the quality of our relationship until there was nothing left but bitterness. We were passing ships in the night. We both have a lot of work and soul searching to do going forward. We were stars passing by each other in the vast expanse of space, illuminating each other for a time before passing on into the void of life. Even though I know it is better this way for both of us, I will miss you dearly.

It’s not going to be easy. Change never is and it never was supposed to be but that’s what keeps us going, keeps us on our toes. The friction of this new reality will create traction to spring forth from and I will embrace it as much as I can. Sometimes the best thing is space and silence, to reflect, to feel, to plan, and to inspire. Knowing when to hold on is so important but just as important is knowing when to let go, and I am letting go and making peace in this new chapter of my life. Here’s to a new me, redefined, wide eyed, and full of hope and wonder. ❤

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