From the title of this, you might suspect that I am going to go on a spill about going vegan or only eating organic products, but this is actually about an overall approach to life I am attempting nowadays. Let’s insert some context, for years my life has been carefully regimented and planned. I would wake up each day with a series of tasks I needed to complete in order to feel good about myself, like I had contributed and been productive in some way. Even with being creative like writing or painting, I had to have a strict time that I would sit down and write or paint and afterwards I would give myself permission to relax or watch tv or whatever. This habit of thinking has followed me into my 30s and right up to the time of starting a blog and maintaining a writing schedule.
I was thinking about the ways I have been carefully planning my days out and I have noticed that this regimented way generates a tremendous amount of pressure for me. Forcing myself to, for example, sit down and write in the morning before I could enjoy anything else only generated misery and stifled what creative inspiration I might have had. I have thought recently about living organically and naturally, as in just doing what comes to me in the moment. Like with writing, not forcing myself to sit down and write first thing in the morning but instead take some time to just live naturally in the moment and let inspiration flow through me in that way.
When I force myself to follow a strictly regimented schedule, it’s like the goal of accomplishing a task is more important than being true to myself, engaged and authentic in the moment and just letting life happen the way I want it to. In an attempt to change this routine, I ironically came up with a plan. I started waking up in the mornings on my days off with only one goal, I wanted to wake up and meditate. That was it. No further plans or expectations. I just wanted to meditate and see where it took me naturally. I want to follow the stream of my mind like a river, chasing inspire, chasing whatever I want to do and what feels organic in the moment.
I have found that living without expectation in this way is so much more fulfilling! I find that I still get things done but the ways in which they unfold are far more satisfying and natural. Like some days I would meditate and be inspired to go exercise or walk, which led to me listening to a podcast which then gave me ideas for writing and naturally generated motivation and inspiration. This is much more preferable then forcing myself to sit down at a designated time and try to create something out of thin air. It’s like by allowing my thoughts and actions to flow more instinctually, I am able to open up those creative and inspirational channels in my mind to where ideas and inspiration just flow through me without effort.
It’s like overly straining your muscles for a prolonged time trying to force some movement instead of just relaxing and letting things transpire as they will. Relaxing and being free from expectation has been a tremendous help for me recently. And this isn’t to say you should never plan anything. Planning is obviously a good and essential part of our lives, it’s just that the specific ways I was overstraining and regimenting my life was becoming a detriment to my creative potential. My mindset and the ways I thought about my plans were the issue. It’s like my opinion of myself would change based on whether or not I accomplished some task. It was unhealthy, fickle, and forced. I was putting the cart before the horse in a way. I was attempting to write out of obligation instead of out of natural inspiration that comes from just living my life, doing the things I enjoy, and satisfying curiosities when they come up.
I know so many of us are conditioned to strictly plan everything to maximize our production. It’s certainly a part of our culture. The effort is admirable but sometimes the way we frame it in our minds can be unhealthy. It is important to step back from our goals sometimes and let them come to us instead in time. I think we all would do well to back up a little and release some of the pressure in our lives. We all have a lot of pressure, I know. I suppose it is a mindset thing. Like with writing, I don’t have to narrowly plan and tie down creativity. In a way I was caging my creativity instead of letting it roam free in the world and letting it come to me.
This has been an ongoing struggle for me because I was the king of plans. I was always attempting to manage my expectations and outcomes and let me tell you that can lead to quite a miserable existence. No longer. I want to listen to my body, my heart, and my mind and follow them wherever they take me. I want to let the muse flow through me instead of trying to spawn it as a means to an end so I can say I completed a task. It’s an ongoing battle and a lesson as I sift through this creative process and figure my life out. I hope this is relatable to some of you and I hope you understand that we all put pressure on ourselves but we are all doing our best. Sometimes it is important to step back and just let the moment lead us wherever. Life is best when it is free and openly flowing instead of constrained and controlled. Life is short and sometimes what is best for us is to simply play, improvise, and get lost a little and see where it takes us. Happy flowing ❤